Update to the I moved post
If you havn’t seen it click here
SO It’s been close to a month and here’s my update. I’m not motivated to do anything…. I had big plans to come here and do great things but here I am Depressed and ready to go back. No I’m not kidding. Yes I do miss everyone and that is one reason I’d like to go back but actually sitting here and thinking about it. I’m very much a family person, I miss my friends who I used to see every day and honestly I was just more motivated back in AZ.
Now I came to thinking about it why? Why is that? Why do I want to go back so badly? Well here are some of the reasons I came up with;
I miss everyone too much, now I mentioned some of this in the last one (I think) but god damn I do. I used to see my dad daily and just be able to talk on the rides to and from work. I would hang out at his place alot just to chill or play fun games with him, Tracy, Dylan and Kelly and even sometimes Summer. We used to go to places and just have a fun time. He again help me out when ever I needed the help and I wanna pay him back when I can! so bad I wanna show him how much love he showed me even now, as of today 11/23/19 him, Tracy, Dylan and Bas cleaned out the rest of my old place while I’m here and I just wanna go back to give them all big hugs.
I used to see Courtnie and Aaron Ever few days, She used to come over and we’d talk and hang out. I’d go to her place ever once in awhile and chill. She’d let me rant and I’d let her if need be, I know with everything they were going through It’s nice to just talk it out. Aaron used to give me rides to the Circle K or home after work. He’d even hang out sometimes. I miss them.
I miss hanging with Dylan and Kelly. The best group pair! lol Dylan and I used to come up with stories all the time. We were able to rant to eachother if we needed it. Growing up he was the closes one to me, I care about him so much and I think he’s doing an amazing job! Kelly also helped with many stories and would also be a great listener if need be but also join in on rants and such. We used to chill at a restraint and talk about story ideas and fun things. I used to watch Dylan play video games and get excited for him with some things. When they come down we need a dinner plan! haha
I miss hanging out with Kelcey, She’s one of my best friends and I was always up for her coming over or if she wanted to go somewhere. She couldn’t hang out too much being how our days off never lined up then she had a beautiful baby boy. So I completely understand Babies need alot of attention!! but she always texted and kept in touched. On my last day she was glued by my side which ❤❤❤ frick I loved so much having her around. I kinda told her and my mom last minute cause time got away from me so badly during this time.
I miss my Mama and Summer, Mom would surprise me with really cute things when ever I was feeling bad/sad or if it was a Holiday. I would go over to her house and chill for awhile listening to her get excited about all the house improvements shes doing. The latest one being about the kitchen, walking in you wouldn’t believe it was the same place. Like I said I kinda told her really late like 3 days before leaving late ;w; I meant to tell her way way sooner but again time really got away from me. She was excited for me but was disappointed I didn’t say anything sooner. Bas, Summer and Savannah learned the same day too. Savannah I couldn’t see before leaving but I at least saw everyone else! And I mean It’s not like I’ll never be back, I totally plan on going to visit! I not missing my mama’s wedding!! >:C Even if I have to bus it there! lol
I miss seeing Summer, She used to come over on days off to come and hang out for the weekend. Sometimes to swim in the pool sometimes to just hang! She helped me with some of the cosplays i worked on and well just having her over was really nice. I miss my little sis!!
I do apologizes I can’t list everyone but just know I miss everyone to death and more then welcome them coming here to hang out! lol
I’m still jobless and kinda like it bUT fucking hate it at the same time. My ADHD won’t let me sit still and I wanna go for many walks just to get out of the house. I have no money and can’t get things I need. I feel completely useless sense I can’t help pay for things yet. I don’t have any money to send to my dad for both helping me out more then a ton but also to get my stuff here. Even with how much I hate working I kinda hate just sitting here more. Well what about all the online stuff you wanna do? Kinda can’t work on things when I have no money to get said things.
It just doesn’t feel like home, I guess? I feel like any moment I should be getting back onto the plane and go home. Maybe it’s just cause I only have my cat and one suitcase of stuff and nothing else, maybe its cause I am filled in a house of someone else stuff? I’m not sure, I’ve moved MORE then enough times and every time felt at least like a home. Now when I was on my own It was a different feeling too but at least still a home. Here it just doesn’t feel like it. I’ve been cleaning and moving things around and asking where should what be but no matter what I do I just feel like I’m in someone else’s house. Back in my apartment I had a dream that made me realize how much I miss the old place back when It was my dad, Dylan and I. Back when I was in school. Now that felt like a home. Maybe My brain just wants to move back in with dad lol could be it tho. I was a huge daddy’s girl and would always go to him for help with cosplays and such. :/c maybe I just figured It out, hey papa could I come back lol
I moved mainly to get out of AZ I had no real goal, everyone had asked me what my goal here is and I don’t have one….. But I don’t want my time here to just seem like a mistake so I will make the most of it even if I just move back in a year .w.’ I love Sara to bits and just maybe I can get her to come to AZ haha yeah right. Talking about the RV she didn’t even mention going to AZ so who knows. I bought a Dot journal to kept track of what I’m doing while here.
Another reason why I moved was cause I felt lonely, Yes I have many friends who’d come over but I realized I needed a roommate but everyone I knew either already had one or had a partner. Being here tho even tho yes now I have a roommate I still feel lonely, I know we are still settling in but with her sleeping during the day and working at night means I’m up during the day and asleep pretty much when she leaves so, It’s weird to say I still feel lonely. We hang out on her days off and have gone out to do many thing. I’m not asking to go out and do things every day no no thats not it at all but just I have to be quite 90% of the day then go to bed .w.” We haven’t just been able to chill at home or unpack together yet.
I will be uploading more starting December but for right now I’m just gonna keep telling myself I’m still trying to settle in so that I don’t feel terrible about myself.
I love you all!
~Anee
PS NO this isn’t a suicide note, Just letting out my feelings haha