well fuck
my day is filled with so many mixed emotions and i dont know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m still 8 and need an adult to tell me what to do but i’m not i’m a 26 year old adult who can take care of myself, who can pay my own bills but i just feel so lost.
I fucking hate my life and where it’s going, I dont know what im doing half the time. I want my full time job to be selling online but too tired when i come home from work to do so. I wanted to be here but i miss my friends and family too much but the only people who invited me to things/cared to see me was dad, dylan, kelcey and Courtney. I want to be happy but i’m so stuck in my own brain to do so.
I was worried to tell sara the truth that i want to go back, then depressed that i was leaving her in a bad spot now i’m better to hear she’ll be moving in with an old friend and be in a much better place then she was with me.
I wanted to make better art pieces so i bought a better tablet, now I don’t have any feeling to draw. I bought a circut for cosplays and to make things to sell but that goes back to the whole i dont feel like drawing anything. After many years i bought an embroidery machine but havn’t even turned it on cause i dont think my laptop will handle it. Now my phones fucking up and I need to fully shut it off just to charge it and it dies way faster so need a new phone but cant cause im moving.
Almost close to the move date saras 17year old cat, Bart, started going. He just got worst and worst each day, He stopped eating and started just laying in the litter box. So we took him in to get put down and before anyone says anything we. tried. everything. it was going on for weeks and well they did it in the room we were in as we were holding him. I felt his head go limp in my hand and watched his little face as the vet said he was no longer with us. that feeling i got then was just so terrible. I only knew bart for 4 years and lived with him for 1 but i got so attached to him that it just broke my heart and i havnt been thinking straight since
What I know I need is my teeth fixed, to get on anti-depressants and something for my ADHD, passed that i’m not sure. I need help and i dont know hw to get it